Plain Vanilla Sex
Hmm, what exactly is that?

What constitutes 'plain vanilla sex'? To me, plain vanilla means missionary style, no oral or anal, with one's marriage partner only—and, of course, heterosexual only. To someone else, plain vanilla may mean all sex that does not include at least three people, accessories from Ace Hardware, or an enema.

Who decides what activities fit what definition? Do we all just decide for ourselves, or are there some standard guidelines that have escaped my notice?  —Vol

"These days... it's all vanilla sex for me."   —Larry Flynt

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From Doug
Plain Vanilla sex, mmmm good and sweet. Is it plain vanilla if the results aren't plain vanilla, say mystical ecstasy instead of orgasm for instance. Is a prayerful approach to a woman's yoni other than plain vanilla? I'm a nudist and find the use of clothing around sex to be fairly peculiar. Does that make dressing, or dressing up for sex kinky?

From Marc
To me, vanilla isn't an act or activity, it's an attitude.  On one hand, a hot night of no-frills, hetero, missionary sex, with the right partner at the right time can be mind blowing and anything but vanilla.

On the other hand "Wednesday night again;  Time to tie the old lady down and flog her;  I wonder who's gonna be on Letterman tonight?" is as vanilla as it gets.

Vanilla is different for different folks.  For some folks, vanilla changes from encounter to encounter.

An old Doobie Brothers album was titled "What Were Once Vices Are Now Habits."  Habits are vanilla.

From Jolie du Pre
Vanilla sex is like Monet's "Waterlilies"—pretty, boring and non-offensive.  It's the type of sex you have when you want to make cute little babies.

From Scarlet
*High Fives* Great post Mary Lynn!! [see Mary Lynn's entry below] Could not have said it better myself if I tried. I agree more with your first definition, but they are ALL very well put and all very true.

I suppose for the longest time I did not even know the sex I was having would be considered "vanilla". As I have gotten older(28), I have just simply "refined" my tastes. I don't require all the hardcore BDSM to get me off, just a variation from the "regular" same old, same old routine. My husband and I have been together for 6 years (and I still think he is just as sexy as the first day I saw him). We have four children, and let me tell you...You got to WORK to keep everything all hot and spicy. A little effort in the bedroom never hurt anyone. ;) Whether that be role playing, toys, anal,  hardcore/softcore BDSM, Porn, partners, etc.

From Cat
Not until my early 40's did I know there was anything but vanilla. This I think is different for everyone. For me it starts with a nice dinner, soft music, talking. Then cuddling. Everything nice and easy to the final build up. Candles are good. Making out is better. People seem to forget about how warm that makes you feel. Maybe a massage, warm oil rubbed into your skin.

Then, slow, slow. Touching, kissing, whispering words of love. Voices making noise, getting louder. Knowing the time and looking into each others eyes as your orgasms explode. But it does not end there. Hugging and holding, love chatter. Soaking in all the pleasure. And finally getting up and having something to eat. I need vanilla with some regularity then it makes everything else icing on the cake.

From Abs
My idea of vanilla sex is a couple rolling on pure white satin sheets in a pure white room lit by huge white candles...of course aroma candles of vanilla essence...white fur pillows and bolsters...and just plain like vanilla skin ..no clothes...just skin...breathing each other and hours of foreplay delving in bubbly and listening to vanilla ice wound down bigtime!....ummm perfect!

From William
Is there a rigid definition of vanilla sex? One or both partners yawn during orgasm.

Once upon a time, I thought vanilla sex was straight missionary sex with minimal foreplay, although the woman somehow reaches orgasm through penetration alone.

After the amazing discovery that ordinary folks have kinks, too, this definition seems to have expanded a lot.

From Anonymous
To me, "vanilla" sex is bland with a tinge of patriarchal limits. It usually means man-on-top, get-it-over-with-as-quickly-as-possible. Brings to mind the sex scene in Ryan's Daughter between Robert Mitchum and Sara Miles.

From Mary Lynn
I think vanilla sex is a very broad term.  The definition morphs depending on who is using the term.

I used to believe that vanilla sex was mechanical sex (no, not sex with a mechanical toy, you fetish junkies!).  Mechanical sex to me meant highly ritualized, standard sex with enthusiasm, but no variation in routine and designed to primarily satisfy the one partner with the most interest, usually the male.  I have since re-classified this in my mind as selfish sex or maybe untutored sex.

Another definition of vanilla sex is very straight Biblically approved sex.  This would be sex for the sake of procreation.  No one says you can't enjoy it.  It just doesn't come with very much variation. Anything that is out of the ordinary (oral, anal, fetish) just doesn't happen.  Positions vary, but not very much.  Certain positions are considered "ungodly."  An example of "ungodly" would be doggy style.

For someone more sexually literate, vanilla sex could be any kind of sex involving only a male/female couple, with no toys and no fetishes (BDSM, golden showers, anal play, porn as a sexual aide, can all be considered fetish).

For the liberated, vanilla sex might be: anything that doesn't involve toys, and involves only two people.

I think it depends on your point of view.  I have read m/m novels where the heroes say they have plain vanilla sex.  By my first definition, that would be way, way beyond vanilla.  Yet by my last definition, this would be vanilla because it didn't involve BDSM, toys or groups.

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